Jagged Scars
by NativeWolfy
Summary: the knowledge that it's still there burns inside of her, fuelling her anger.
1. Chapter 1

**So I was reading this Spideypool story, one where they're soul mates and don't realize it because of the fact that it's only Spiderman and Deadpool who know each other, not Peter Parker and Wade Wilson but then wham! Suddenly hit with inspiration.**

**Which kind of became one with an idea that I've had a while now, but couldn't figure out how to explain.  
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**Until _now._  
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She refused to look at it. For years, she's covered her wrist with something-her Omni-tool whenever she was let out, a bandage, hair bands, just anything she could get her hands on so she wouldn't have to look at the name that belonged to the man who had never come.

She used to look at the name everyday, trace the letters and hope to whatever deity was out there that he would find her to take her away from this forsaken place.

To save her from the experiments that went on in here to not only herself but to her only family left, her brothers she was supposed to _protect_, and other test subjects Cerberus had nabbed from their homes. But he never came, and she was forced to endure the things the scientists and doctors would do to her for some kind of breakthrough. Had listened to the screams of the others as they were tested on for so called _science_.

She stopped shedding tears a long time ago over the injustice of it all, but as she presses a thumb to her wrist at where she knows his name is, she's kind of glad that the scars from how many needles and knives they've taken to her skin has covered the name a little bit now.

Now she can barely make it out, but the knowledge that it's still there burns inside of her, fuelling her anger for not only him for not saving her but for Cerberus because of what they've done to her and her brothers.

The doctors have told her that they could bring the name back, that she'd be able to see the name _Garrus_ on her wrist again but she always refused. Because even if she did meet him, the only thing scarier then losing him, she thinks as she stares at the scars and barely there letters, is that she might actually find him, or he might find her, only for them both to see that she doesn't deserve him in the slightest because of the monster Cerberus turned her into.

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**I'm not sure if I'll update this. But maybe I will.**

**You never really have things confirmed with me, either way. Because I get distracted easily, you realize and when I do get into a mood to write something, I usually latch onto it and write until there's nothing left.  
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**Review, please?  
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	2. Chapter 2

**It's like a _leech_.**

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He knows that some people like to say _soul mate_ while others like to say _other half_, but it's really all the same to Rlixt. Like everyone else, there was a name on his wrist telling him the name of his own life partner. It was neat and delicate, spelling out a name in a language he didn't understand until one day, Rousi had looked at his wrist after learning all she could on the alien languages, writing ad whatever else, telling him the name spelled out _Tali_ in qurian_,_ telling him that she would be his partner in many things.

When he was a child and he and Rousi looked at their names and would say something, he remembers her giving him a bright grin at the age of ten when he was only nine and saying, _It's the name of someone who will be with me forever_, when the letters were finally beginning to take their own shape and become letters. _Someone who will understand me_. And he can't help but think it would have been right, at such a young age.

But that was then, before Cerberus took them away from their home for experiments.

When he hears the scientists come over, talking to each other and talking about the Illusive Man's plans and how he intends to send Rousi along with Shepard as a precaution-they all knew Shepard wasn't as invincible as everyone liked to think-and help protect her, he shares a look with her through the glass wall they used to separate the three siblings when they were going to be taken out, a fear for their own health and a precaution as they had an incident that had happened when the three had tried to escape before.

Their youngest sibling, Delmonti on Rousi's left and him on her right, the three tuning into their conversation with their advanced hearing from the tests.

Interest enters his eyes when he hears the name _Tali'Zorah _pass one red haired scientists lips as they start to unlock Rousi's door, but froze when he noticed neither he nor Del were going to be released along with their sister.

"No!" Rousi roars, a snarl on her face and revealing her sharp fangs, six in total, as she easily tosses the two scientists away. "I'm not leaving them! You can't make me leave them unprotected!" she cries, desperation in her eyes before she's forcibly subdued by an appearance from the Illusive Man himself.

"Now, now, Ross. They'll be perfectly taken care of while you're gone," there's a malicious, evil shine in his eyes that he masks from everyone else as he stares Rousi down. "That is, if you cooperate." he says easily, watching as Rousi stops instantly, a pleased look in his strange eyes and on his wicked face. "Because if you don't cooperate, then we'll just have to kill them, won't we?" Rlixt watches as his older sister gazes at the ground for a long time before jerkily nodding her consent to the Illusive man.

The scientists, body guards and doctors all the while simply watched the exchange, afraid or respecting as Rousi complies with them as they lead her away to get ready for Shepard's arrival and her departure.

He and Del stare down the hallway the Illusive Man went down and mourns the lost chance to kill him.

Shepard won't realize he's here, that he'd be right under her nose until they're far enough away for him to leave and even if Shepard did, she wouldn't be able to do anything about it because it would be the Illusive Man helping her in fighting the Reapers, and it was something he knew was more important then they were. Because if she stops them, then she saves millions of billions of lives, instead of the small number of ten of them that had survived the excruciating tests done on them.

Cerberus, everyone should know or suspect, is willing to do anything to further along humanity's power and capabilities at any cost. Even if it meant mixing alien DNA with human DNA to try and have certain…abilities, he supposed the word was, that whatever species had and convert it so that a human could have it.

Needless to say, it was a success.

Kind of.

While the surviving ten, he and his siblings included, had successfully accepted the foreign DNA and started to show signs of whatever species they had been altered with, there were side affects that had all the doctors and scientists cringing and shying away from them all, the Illusive Man deeming them more of a failure then an actual success and proceeding to lock them up in a laboratory.

Rousi had grown claws, while the 'fangs' she had as a human grew in length and turning into actual fangs, four on the bottom and two on top. Her skin had also hardened, but while not being visible to the eye unless her skin caught the light in a certain way, there were scales much like a turians covering her body. The thing was, it was forcibly stopped before it could change her appearance anymore so it was just her covered in the tan scales with speckles of sandy brown that replaced scars and freckles, and the strange thing was with her was the fact that she had been complaining about her jaw hurting, which had the scientist develop a 'serum' for her to stop whatever process was going on with her. And her eyes had changed, the white had turned to black and if seen incorrectly, her eyes could seem totally black instead of the stormy grey irises surrounded by black.

He, on the other hand, had been mixed with krogan DNA. So he towered over everyone in the facility, which frightened the staff even if he hadn't lost his temper in a while now. But like all krogan, there was an itching underneath his skin, something telling him to start a fight or get into a battle because his blood called for the spilled blood of enemies. Which was the cause of his short temper, though he was getting better at controlling his anger now. And just like Rousi but unlike Rousi at the same time, he was covered in scales that the scientists had been scared of until it just seemed to stop and settle. His own grey eyes had turned catlike, to his delight.

Their little brother had drell DNA mixed inside him. So he was flexible, lean and fast, just like their older sister. And his skin had changed from tan to a forest green with hints of a blue-green here and there, slightly large eyes having turned into a drell's strange ones not long after being given the DNA. He also lost his nails, since drell didn't have any and it was painful to watch. Especially as he collapsed on his floor in pain as the changes happened to his body, crying and pleading for the change, the pain, to simply _stop_ while he and Rousi were forced to watch helplessly as their little brother went through the ordeal alone. His own name on his wrist turning into a dark blue that blended into his new skin tones, only seen if it tilted it just so, spelling the name _Kolyat_.

Rlixt wondered what Shepard would think of the things the Illusive Man did to them but pushed the thought aside. He needed to look after Del now, since Rousi was gone.

At least for the time being, anyways. Rousi always had a plan.

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**I already have another idea for the next chapter so it should be up later or tomorrow.**

**No idea. We'll see.  
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**Also, I realize their names are a mouth full so I'll try to make it easy on you. Rlixt: the L in the name is silent, so you don't need to add it in when you're going to say his name. It's Rixt, which actually sounds a lot like Risk except with a hard T at the end instead of a K. Delmonti is just that, Del-Mon-Tee(I took it from the fruit box, *shifty eyes*) and Rousi has a full name, it's Rousselloti which is pronounced with a hard R like when you're going to do a mock mrrow or when a cat mrrows: Rows-Seh-Lot-Tee which is a real mouth full, I know but I like the name.  
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**Which is also why Rlixt and Del call her Rousi which is pronounced Rowshi.  
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**Review, please?  
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	3. Chapter 3

**I decided to write Garrus instead of Rousi, so surprise Garrus chapter!**

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Everyone had names on their wrists, have since the beginning of every species. But that never stopped anyone from getting into relationships with people who weren't their soul mates. And usually, he knows, the names are in messy writing, inky scrawls or delicate script and all languages, depending on your species, but his own kind of looked like scars in the shapes of letters, hardened scales turned purple-ish, crooked letters spelling out the name _Rousselloti_ like his soul mate is screaming at him.

When he was younger, a part of him had wanted to wait but as the years passed and he graduated his school and applied for C-Sec, and spent a short amount of time frustrated when the strong black haired Spectre he followed to fight Saren who appeared to have no soul mate, his hopes had risen until he caught sight of her wrist spelling out _Jeff_ in a messy scrawl.

He found himself frustrated at that as he thought, it should have been her, but the fact remained that Commander Shepard wasn't his and would never be his.

But he didn't let Shepard's death or lack of soul mate distract him. Not everything revolved on the name on his wrist or finding her; because not long after she dies, he becomes a vigilante and a hero in the eyes of the people on Omega. He lets the need and want to try make Omega a better place take center stage from the name on his wrist, putting on another skin that makes him Archangel, in the form of a hell raising justice bringer that doesn't bind him to aching for another person who's not there by his side in sharing his short lived justice.

He used to think of his soul mate as a promise, but now that he's grown and become stronger on his own, less naïve, he's starting to feel like it's something else entirely.

Which is one of the reasons why he always tells Shepard that he's a bad turian. Because his people always looked for their soul mate, even if they did sleep with others, and he simply gave up. He always pretended that the name _Rousselloti _is nothing but a curious name and not a person that's living and breathing, looking for him or waiting for him with his name, _Garrus_, written on her wrist.

He just doesn't want to think about it. He has other things to worry about; like finding Sidonis and killing him for betraying them all, helping Shepard take down the Reaper threat. And technically being a part of Cerberus now, especially as they leave to go get a 'special package' the Illusive Man had told Shepard to get, simply saying that 'she'd be a good asset to the team' and leaving it at that. Not even Miranda and Jacob knew who they were going to go get, which made Shepard suspicious because the Illusive Man seemed to like the two of them.

And when they get there, they don't exactly expect the covered-from-head-to-toe lithe frame of a female plus three doctors to greet them at the entrance to one of many Cerberus bases. Especially since they know everything about the person courtesy of the Illusive Man, but he hadn't sent any information to them about this special package and so they were dealing with an unknown.

But when Shepard asked her questions and she responded quickly, quietly and robot-like, the dread in his stomach only got worse. Especially as she did nothing but follow the orders Shepard gave her and gave no inkling to understanding any one else.

"Ross." is all they got when Shepard asked for the unknown female's name and it made Shepard twitch, hand tightening on her submachine gun. "What kind of name is that?" Shepard's voice translated to him, and they heard as 'Ross' gave an amused snort.

"Because no one can say my real name properly." was her answer, leaving it at that on the subject.

He wondered, as they boarded the Normandy and heard EDI tell Ross where her room was located, telling her plus three doctors where the infirmary was and directing them to a room that would house the three of them, why this Ross female needed her own doctors and why, exactly, she covered herself in clothing and hid her identity away. It just wasn't…something you expect, especially if they're supposed to trust her. But Shepard told them all to let her get comfortable, reveal herself in her own time and so he reluctantly left her be.

There was an itch under his skin that bugged him and never let him be, whenever he would see her.

It was…it _felt_ like a…calling.

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**It's more or less Garrus' quick review on the things that happened and his own thoughts on the whole Soul Mate thing, especially with the names on everyone's wrists. Because the Garrus we all know and love is a turian who hides his (m)angst behind dry humour, awkwardness and hyper vigilance about things, with trust issues because of Sidonis, amirite?**

**But at least it ended with Rousi entering the Normandy crew(kind of), right?  
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**Review, please?  
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	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four is a Rousi chapter this time, and the same goes for Chapter Five: Rousi Chapter.**

**Not entirely sure about Chapter Six, but it might be in Garrus' POV again, but it might be another Rousi chapter, not sure yet.  
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Leaving her family behind per Illusive Man's orders made her feel like her heart was breaking.

It's dripping icy cold throughout her ribcage, filling her with a hollow ache, an empty, gut wrenching ache. Like a piece of her is gone, just like the empty space where her soul mate was supposed to slot into is nothing but air. And the knowledge that her leaving is protecting her family, to a degree, isn't much of a comfort as it usually is.

She knows the Illusive Man's willing to do anything to get her cooperation, and threatening her with not only her blood brothers lives but the lives of the others she's come to view as _family_ is something he would gladly and joyfully do if it makes her obedient.

It's numbing, mind crippling, consuming, just thinking about it. Thoughts of _what if_ and _maybe_ fill her head as she lets Shepard lead the way and has EDI show her the room the Illusive Man had installed for her-something she knew was because everyone who's seen her have called her a monster or refused to come into contact with her, let alone see her. And that just brings all her demons out from the darkest corners of her mind. It fills her restless mind as she slowly takes off the mask and pulls the hood down, making it useless to even try to sleep now.

And the demons only make things worse for her, making the evil thoughts that are plaguing her mind ache with sadness she's long grown accustomed to.

It makes it harder to forget the fact that the man on her wrist never came for her, that he's now in _reaching_ distance and doesn't even seem to be looking for her. But she's learned to accept the blows of pain, of sadness that follows the knowledge because as long as she has a purpose, her family to protect, it was _bearable_ and she had a mission to accomplish.

So that's what she'd focus on. Making sure her family is alive by listening to the Illusive Man-to an extent-and keeping Shepard alive, the whole reason she was sent along this suicide mission.

But the icy cold drops seem to be turning into ice as distance is put between her and the family she's protected for so long. And it makes her wonder for a second if her hearts been turned to glass or ice and smiles bitterly at the image. Her hearts already been shattered into a million pieces, but the metaphor sounds oddly…_right_.

The truth is still there though. She has a reason to live, for her family, because they all need her, all nine of them but she doesn't have a reason to live for _herself_. There's no soul mate on his way to save her, no one to love her like the love she witnessed between her parents before they died protecting her and her little brothers. He's right here and uncaring, perfectly fine while she's broken inside. The sad truth is, is that she had to toughen up and save herself, protect everyone around her because no one was going to help them, no one _cared_ so she decided to become what they needed. A surviver, someone who would do anything to protect them all. A murderer, a killer.

A monster.

There was a saying she heard once, when two of the bodyguards had stood by to make sure she did nothing wrong or tried anything funny, they had said this one line that had stuck with her and made her laugh because it just didn't seem to have any _truth_ to it at all. _You have to go through Hell to get to Heaven._ But she's already gone through Hell, many times, so where was her Heaven? Her lips twitched into a smirk, revealing sharp fangs that glinted menacingly in the dim lighting.

The Illusive Man knows she'd do anything for her family, and tries to use to it his advantage whenever possible. But the thing he doesn't know is the fact that while she's willing to give up a lot for her family and their safety, herself be damned, but she's also just as willing to betray him and get them out of the laboratory they've been forced to live in for years because of what he had done to them all.

It didn't matter what cost she'd have to pay to save them all because she would do, would _give_ anything and everything. And if that meant gaining Shepard's loyalty or faith or whatever she had to get to have her aid Rousi in her plan to break into the lab to take back her family, then that's exactly what she's going to do. But the first thing she'd have to gain of Shepard before she can even plant the idea in Shepard's mind is to make her _trust_ Rousi.

And getting that would be hard, especially since the Illusive Man would have told Shepard that Rousi was his and that she would be his special package, gift or peace offering in order to have Shepard be wary of her.

But once it was gone, once her family was finally _safe_ from the Illusive Man's manipulative ways…

Well, she loves them all but once they were safe, if she needed to, she'll leave them just to protect them. She knows that the Illusive Man favoured her because she was the one who never hesitated in anything she was ordered to do, even when she had tried to kill him but got stopped by Kai Lang. So it'd only be reason, logic, if he chose to chase after her. And while she didn't want to leave them, she would because while she needed them, and they her, it would be for their safety.

So she'd let go, give them up. And she'd have whoever the Illusive Man sent chase after her and leave them alone, draw their attention away and give him exactly what he wants.

A challenge.

Because by the time that the Illusive Man realizes that it was her with the help of Shepard who had broken into his lab and stolen his 'prized failures', she would be long gone and Shepard's business with Cerberus would be finished, she had inside help for that. Infiltrating and getting out, she just wasn't sure how reliable the female doctor was with her friend, someone who helped guard the 'mistakes'.

Nothing would hurt and anger him more then realizing that while he had thought she was right in the palm of his hand, she never had been and he had been wrong all along.

She rolls her shoulders and feels glad that the people in the lab had given in and got her a humanized-hybredinized?-version of the quarian outfit, only with light armour added on. Like Hell she wanted to wear some bulky human version of turian armour. They didn't realize how heavy it was and she just didn't want to constantly use it when she's supposed to be an _assassin_, for the love of Spirits. Or anything Holy, she wasn't really religious, after all.

She let out a sigh and sat on a standard bed, something she was used to since it was the same type of bunk that they were given in the sterile cells that acted as their 'rooms'.

There was no doubt that EDI was probably spying on her for the Illusive Man, something that she knew happens every half an hour whenever she's let off the base to do certain missions he sends her on. Along with the crew he always sends to her, simply saying that 'no one needs to know about her…_condition_'. So her three accompanying companions were highly trained Doctors that had been with her since she had gone to the laboratory, who kind of trusted her but were too wary to _fully_ trust her.

She wonders for a moment at their location before writing it off as having no importance. If they were needed, they'd be there but when they aren't, they're going to blend into the walls. And that wasn't something that bothered her, at least until something happens and then it's something that bothers her because she's expected to protect them as much as they're supposed to make sure she lives.

One of her family back in the laboratory had asked her once, _how do you feel?_ which she didn't know because she was fine, but the question was different, there hadn't been a concern about her health in his eyes and it confused her.

_You protect us so much_, he had elaborated, long and graceful hands painted a brand new, asari pale blue gesturing to herself and then the doctors, _but it just seems that sometimes the payment for it is too much._ He had given her a frown, _Sometimes, it looks like the payment for our protection leaves you empty and broken_. He grabbed her hand, uncaring of the claws her nails had become and squeezed in comfort. _So how do you feel?_ he asked again, expecting an answer that he could understand, one telling him her reason for doing what she does.

But the problem was, she hadn't known how to answer him properly. Sure, she protected them all, they were simply _family_ to her and she wasn't about to let any harm come to them just because she didn't want any harm done to her. If anything, she'd rather take all their pain and sadness and loneliness away from them and take it for herself so they would only be happy and safe and loving but she couldn't do that, so she did the next best thing. She did what she was _capable _of. So she gives him a smile and squeezes his hand back in her own comfort for him. _Sometimes, even if the price is too high,_ she had began and he saw the seriousness in her eyes, the deadliness and the extreme she would do for them. _Sometimes, I just have to do it. I don't do it for myself, never for my own life so I make the deal, give the payment for your life, for _everyone's _lives. Because it's the right thing to do._

His frown deepens, _Why?_ and she gives him a bittersweet smile, _because whether or not anything happens to me, I'm just glad that you're all safe._

It wasn't what he had wanted to hear, but it was something he had accepted nonetheless.

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**I used a lot of quotes for this chapter, but started out with a metaphor.  
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***shifty eyes*  
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**Did any of you catch them?  
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